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Once upon a time a girl fell in love with a boy named Mike. twice.
First was incredibly passionate. Too much so. We were dynamite and a match. And when that powder keg blew I was devastated. I thought I will never love anyone like that again. Which is true. But what happened next was a better love. I had taken all the lessons I learned about who was right and wrong for me and found the right Mike.
The right and second mike taught me how to laugh. How to have a good time whenever we are together. But I hadn't let go of my past and it cost me the opportunity to all the happiness fully loving someone provides.
Turns out you hadn't let go of your past either. (Ironiy another reason why we are so alike.) I was learning lessons right and left throughout our relationship. I had to learn how to love again. And with that I'll admit I was slow on the learning curve. I never realized how important it is to make relationships the dessert of life not a main course. I continually think about all I know now and wish we could start over. I have met your ex now new again gf and you know my feelings about her. Was some of what was said due to jealousy? Of course. But a GREAT deal of it was just the truth. Your history with her is scattered. Long distances seem to make it work. After our relationship I can understand why you would want some distance. I was overbearing and controlling. It shocks and kills me to think that you would consider moving with her. It's as if she's knows the Cliff's notes of who you are. She sees you for a week every couple months. And you two can put on your best faces and think wow the other person is just the tops. But you don't ever have to experience the sucky times. Point is a majority of the time you are just floating on this dream that once your with her you'll be happy. But it ain't real babe. And I would hate for you to realize that when it's too late.
I know your asking yourself "Why is she writing this?"
A)You'll probably never read it.
B)Is this suppose to be a manifesto to "win" me back?
----I don't want to have to "win" you back. I just love you so much I want you to open up your eyes and see what you have in front of you. Cause that last revelation sent me flying, kid. I see it in your eyes when we hang out, even if it's only there for a moment I see it and I see how you deny it or try to hide it. That flicker of love. (And not a friend kind of love.) And it takes every ounce of self discipline to stop me from kissing you. If there was a reason for why I'm writing this would be a simple request. Tell me what those eyes show me. Or I guess tell me I'm delusional and you just have a man-pretty set of peepers and I'm nutso. And honestly if I didn't think we could work romantiy, that you don't love me I would have moved on long ago.
Bottom line is I love you. I can not wait to tell you the daily randomness. I can not wait to just spend time around you. And I have been waiting. and waiting. and waiting. I enjoy every minute yet my desire for that that kiss has grown and don't know if I can wait much longer. ...
I think it would hurt us both very badly if we stopped being friends. And I obviously don't want to ruin our friendship. So I'm leaving it up to you universe. please get this message to the right mike. You are my best friend (and ugh mentor). When we met I wasn't able to fully love you. It's so cliche, but I am able to love you fully, properly now and just want to dwell in what I didn't realize I had the first time around.
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